The Rat King Now Plays Cricket

[Punting Ace]

Here's Nick Tedeschi's latest. Arguably his most controversial piece since his thoughts on Ian Thorpe:


Splashing Around in the Muck and the Mire: The Rat King Now Plays Cricket

Those who roll in circles of freaky intellectualism and rodent management are aware of the rat king. Some believe it to be mythical but those who purport such nonsense are fools and have obviously never found it necessary to splash around in the muck and the mire. The rat king, for those unaware, is the phenomenon that occurs when a number of rats become intertwined at their tails to the point where they have physically merged with their fellow rodents to form one multi-headed monster. The rats grow together and eventually become a single entity. That, Dear Reader, is the rat king. It is the foulest of all beasts, one so inherently disgusting in nature that most decent citizens of humanity burst blood vessels in their eyeballs when they pay witness to one and the mere thought of a rat king can send those with low blood sugar levels into a state of severe personal dystopia where violent convulsions and scratching at the jugular become the norm. There is no viler, more vomit-inducing creature on this world or any other for that matter. I am not ashamed to say that I have a deep fear embedded in my psyche of the rodent and the strange and terrible notion of a rat king has kept me sleepless on many lonely evenings, many of which were spent in Hong Kong hotels.

The rat king, quite luckily, is a lot less common this century than in the days where the rat held a lot more sway. Modern medicine and technological advancement have rendered the rat, for the most part, more nuisance than nemesis and the post Plague days, when the rat was as powerful as any army, have been a period of decline for the rodent species. And, of course, the rat king, who has become a mere oddity of history.

But the rat king, occasionally, makes an appearance. And last Sunday, on a shadow-drenched and controversy-covered SCG wicket, a rat king emerged from the sewers and danced in full public view. The current Australian cricket team bears all the traits of a rat king and it is the shame of a nation that this beast is the new emblem of our national team in our national sport, the creature that most accurately portrays the behaviour of our Australian cricket team. Like the rat king, the Ricky Ponting-led Australian cricket team is short on dignity and respect for others. Competitors merely exist for the nourishment of the beast. Fill the belly. And if the competitors dare put up a fight in any manner, low rent tactics and pathetic whinnying become the order of the day. Self-interest is the only concern of the rat king and the Australian cricket team.

The Australian cricket team, simply, are a disgrace to a nation and a blight on the noble game of cricket and Ricky Ponting is the man who must take the pig’s belly of the blame. Over five days, all that is wrong and disgusting and hypocritical and petulant about the Ricky Ponting-led Australian team was on public display. It was there for the world to see and all true Australians writhed in discomfort as the rat king who represents us on the cricket field gutted the spirit of cricket with their bitchiness, their arrogance and their downright gutter-snipe behaviour. There are not too many Australians who would be upset to see effigies of Ricky Ponting burning bright in places such as Mumbai and Bangalore and Chennai. And it takes a lot for Australians to appreciate an effigy. Ricky Ponting has embarrassed us all with his hypocrisy, his stupidity and his self indulgent behaviour.

And he should be sacked from the Australian captaincy forthwith. Australian cricket never reached such shameful depths under Waugh or Taylor or Border or any other captain for that matter. Never mind the results. A monkey jacked on crystal meth with a penchant for softcore pornography could lead this Australian cricket team to world supremacy.

What we witnessed over five days in Sydney was a whirling dervish of poor sportsmanship, pettiness, hypocrisy, insulting decision making, good luck masked as skill, the trivialization of racism and the concerted effort to eradicate an individual who has caused the power in the Australian cricket team grief. There was also some decent cricket played.

India, without doubt, was hammered out of the Test by poor umpiring. They received some appalling decisions. Umpires Bucknor and Benson must accept most of the blame. Ricky Ponting and the Australian team are, however, not absolved. They persistently appealed for dismissals that were clearly not out and they claimed dismissals that would have infuriated themselves had it have been the Indian’s fielding and the Australians batting. See the Sourav Ganguly and Rahul Dravid second innings decisions. The rat king would have spewed forth a foul mouthed and aggressive diatribe about being cheated whilst proclaiming cricket was not being played in the right spirit. To further insult the Indian’s and the game, Australia refused to accept seemingly obvious dismissals. See Michael Clarke refusing to walk when he was caught at first slip.

Ricky Ponting has constantly harped on about the need to accept the word of the fieldsman when a catch is deemed to be contentious yet his own players will not walk. Combined with the fact the Australian team claim many dubious catches, as both Ricky Ponting and Michael Clarke did in Sydney, the Australian position can only be described as hypocritical, self-serving and full of contradictions. When it suits Australia, they profess the need for honesty in the game. When it doesn’t, the dog-driven competitiveness kicks in to ensure success. Ricky Ponting has long pointed out the fine spirit and absolute honesty in which his side plays cricket and often refers to selected portions of recent history to justify actions. During the last Test, Ponting used the fact he was unsure of a catch in the first innings proved his honesty and that of the Australian team when justifying two final day catches with a Test match on the line. That is akin to a thief saying that he is not involved in the pilfering game because he did not steal a pack of cigarettes yesterday, despite the fact he has a bag of cash and a sawn-off shotgun and was just seen in a bank. Ponting’s argument pays no heed to proportion and is insulting to anybody who has witnessed his team play cricket.

Of course, the duplicitous double-standards in regards contentious catches by the Australian cricket team hardly touches the severe and total hypocrisy of reporting Indian spinner Harbhajan Singh. Australia has turned the sledge into a low brow art form like burping the alphabet or the carnival sideshow. Mental disintegration is a tactic embraced by the Australian side and has been for a long time. The policy has always been what happens on the field, stays on the field and that is that. This pseudo rule, of course, was designed to protect their bad behaviour but even so, it provided an even playing ground for opponents who were well aware they were within their rights to respond in kind. Yet the rules of engagement have changed, seemingly, in recent times. Australia are free to serve up any kind of abuse they see fit yet an opponent must keep his mouth shut or he will be reported. The reporting of Singh by the Australian team for “racial abuse” is embarrassing to the nation and hypocrisy of the highest order. It is the same attitude of the schoolyard bully who has just been smacked around for the first time and runs off crying to the teacher.

Reporting Singh also trivializes the very real problem of genuine racism in sport. Symonds has said he was not offended by the term ‘monkey’ yet Australia could not report Singh quick enough. All the while, Ponting and the remainder of the rat king labeled a number of Indian players ‘bastards’, a term considered highly offensive in sub-continental circles. It is truly astounding that Ponting is so oblivious to his own contradicting words and actions that he would have the bottle to accuse Singh of a racially motivated attack on Andrew Symonds.

The petulant behaviour of Ponting in regards Singh certainly lends credence to the notion, touted in many well-informed circles, that if the player involved was not particularly talented, the leadership of the Australian cricket team would not have been so quick on the draw nor as vicious in the duel. If the player involved was not the one bowler in the world who has totally dominated the Australian captain, it seems unlikely that Singh would have been chased down with such vigour. Harbhajan has totally flummoxed Ponting and now Ponting, his manhood challenged, has resorted to the primordial instinct of destruction.

The behaviour of the Australian team at the immediate conclusion of the Test was just as disgraceful. Rather than shake the hands of the unlucky Indian team and rather than congratulate Indian skipper Anil Kumble after a courageous dig, the Australian team, without grace or decency, rushed into a scene of great intimacy and celebrated as a bunch of eight year old girls would if they found an unlimited supply of gummy bears. Ponting then proceeded to angrily chastise Tony Greig for having the bollocks to question his ridiculously overdue declaration. Anyone who understands cricket knows that Ponting declared an hour plus late and was saved from yet another wrong decision by some incompetent umpiring. Nobody has forgotten the 2005 Ashes Ricky and you would serve yourself well to accept your shortcomings as a captain.

Sack Ricky Ponting. And kill the rat king. That is the message here. If you get the head, you will eradicate the body. Ricky Ponting is too stupid, too selfish and too contradicting to be Australian captain. Give the job to somebody who can handle it. Ricky Ponting should be driven from the second most important position in the country and shamed in public at high noon. That is the only way any lessons will be learned and pride in the game restored. It is time to drag cricket from the muck and the mire. It is time to kill the rat king.


PAce

[Plastered]

Amazing how it's Ponting and his team which are being labeled as the villains when the whole sorry mess was caused by bad umpiring and then the refusal of the Indian cricket administrators to accept the neutral referee's decision. Where's the condemnation of them for bullying the ICC in the same way as Sri Lanka and Pakistan have done when faced with bans or suspensions of their players?

Nick really should check his facts before making some of those statements. Ponting was obliged under instructions issued to both captains at the start of the tour to report any racial comments. The term 'monkey' was widely used on the recent tour of India quite obviously as an intended racial insult. Harbhajan knew it and if stupid enough to use it again deserves his fate.

Is it not customary for the losing captain when on the field at the end of play to congratulate the winning captain? Ponting and his team did shake hands with the Indians before leaving the field. Surely the Aussies were entitled to huddle in celebration of an amazing come from nowhere win at the fall of the last wicket? Did Kumble attempt to approach Ponting to congratulate him? If not why is Nick pointing the finger at Ponting only?
And as I understand it Kumble also deliberately snubbed umpire Benson too.

Despite TV footage appearing to cast doubt on the legitimacy of some catches I don't for a moment doubt that the players involved were convinced in their own minds at the time that the catches were clean. Many a time I've seen players, including Australians, say a ball didn't carry when all about them were appealing and the umpire looking set to raise the finger. They all know that the TV will most probably catch them out if they cheat.

[Peter]

The Australian cricketers should take the lead of the Australian golfers on the world stage. Do they wait for an official to give a call on a penalty or do they declare it when it happens and move on.

[zacisawhale]

Is Nick Tedeschi Peter Roebuck's online screen name??

[Plastered]

The Australian cricketers should take the lead of the Australian golfers on the world stage. Do they wait for an official to give a call on a penalty or do they declare it when it happens and move on.

Different culture Peter. Golfers worldwide adopt that rule and it's expected of them, cricketers in the main don't walk and it's generally accepted that way.

Perhaps it would be nice to think cricket could go the same way but how unfair would it be if a batsman honestly didn't think he hit the ball but it was later proved he did and everyone branded him a cheat? Let's leave it up to the umpires to make the call and players to simply accept the good with the bad.

[Popey]

A really disgraceful article Nick.
Plastered summed it up perfectly with his reply.
You need to have a good hard look at yourself Nick.

[barry]

A really disgraceful article Nick.
Plastered summed it up perfectly with his reply.
You need to have a good hard look at yourself Nick.

Certainly seems a strange article coming from a Bulldogs supporter.
Arrogance personified.

[Phantom]

[url=http://e26ac62a.qvvo.com]Totally with you 100% Nick,
you said it all perfectly.[/url]

[Concrete 123]

I think Nick has taken this way over the top.
The Aussie cricket team is normally a team to admire, and has made us extermly proud.
But i think reporting Singh was just a joke. The aussies dish it out all the time, but they cant take it. Singh being outed for 3 games is also a joke.
I think Nick is correct, Ponting wanted him out for his own personal reasons.
If the aussies had an ounce of decenticy they would ask the ICC to revoke the penalty on Singh.

[stebbo]

Hmm... Nick.... you've certainly taken the easy option with this article.

It certainly does seem, however, that this Australian cricket team has committed the most heinous of all Aussie crimes - they've become too successful and now must be cut down to size.

Aussies love the underdog, and it's ok to win from time to time but clearly not ok to win all the time. Once you become too successful, too far above the crowd, it's time to have your head cutoff. It's almost like you get to a point where the rest of Australia says "You're not one of us anymore - how dare you get so much better than the rest of us!", and at this point, like a pack of hyenas, we turn on our own.

There is a long list of successful Australians who have fallen prey to the "tall poppy syndrome" and now our beloved Aussie cricket team is to become another vicitm. RIP Aussie cricket team.

[Plastered]

And the ICC is a weak as piss. They too deserve plenty of the blame for what's happening in cricket these days by failing to support their own officials in the face of threats from, in particular, the sub-continent's cricket administrators.

The sort of back downs we've seen from them in relation to Murali and Hair, Inzamam and Hair and now Harbhajan and Bucknor can't do anything for the morale of their umpiring and referee panels and will discourage young umpires and experienced former cricketers from wanting to pursue careers in the game.

[barry]

Chris, all too soon kids in schools will be told its not the winning that counts but participation, No one will fail, Sportsmanship & participation badges will be the most sort after, bullrush will be banned at Lunchtimes, no pies/coke or hot chips will be in cafeterias, everyone will have to wear helmets on a bike & sun hats will be compulsory in the open air. White bread sandwiches will be a thing of the past & butter will be substituted with some chemistry experiment gone wrong.
Then you will know that Australia has succumbed to what a lot of the western world has been though under left leaning govts in the last decade.

[brett h]

100% with Platered on this....the article is almost as bad as the Thorpe sledge...no doubt Nick's next piece will be calling for the under achiever Hodge to be promoted to captain......

[Popey]

I think Nick has taken this way over the top.
The Aussie cricket team is normally a team to admire, and has made us extermly proud.
But i think reporting Singh was just a joke. The aussies dish it out all the time, but they cant take it. Singh being outed for 3 games is also a joke.
I think Nick is correct, Ponting wanted him out for his own personal reasons.
If the aussies had an ounce of decenticy they would ask the ICC to revoke the penalty on Singh.

Big difference between sledging someone and racially abusing someone.
If an Australian was found guilty of racially abusing someone I would be all for them being suspended.
I think this is where a lot of you are missing the point.

[stebbo]

Barry,

clearly you've been living in another country. Everything you state has already been happening here for ages. I kid you not you can't buy a can of coke in a school canteen anymore - they even legislate what flavors of mineral water are allowed and not allowed.